i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
His hands were made for my vagina.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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