It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
