Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
