the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
