It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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