Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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