Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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