Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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