He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
