I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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