i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize