fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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