If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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