I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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