Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
is that a dick in a sweater?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
