I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
