I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
