take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
