I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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