So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
