Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
