just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
