Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
