Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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