if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
