can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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