Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
