either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
