I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.