I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
