i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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