My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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