Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
