If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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