Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
