She's JV to your varsity
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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