Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
