Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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