i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
