i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
