i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
