I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
