So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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