I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
