So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
