some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
