I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
this will be a night to untag.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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