I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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