Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I have demons in me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
