Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
