i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
