I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
