That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
