i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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