my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
