My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
50% drunk capacity currently
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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