This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
