i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
