I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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