2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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