are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
