chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
