He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
