Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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