I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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