youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
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Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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