she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
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