We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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