so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
