my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
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I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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