I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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