Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
