She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
