I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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