I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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