The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
