dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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