I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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