They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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